Back to Where I Started

"College is different! It's a whole new atmosphere full people that want to be there!"

Yeah, except me.

I thought I was done with the whole idea of public education, but now it's back to pretty much where I was for the past 12 years of my life. The depression is slowly setting back in and things are returning to my "normal".

I tell people I want to be a teacher just so they'll shut the hell up and quit asking me questions. Truth is I don't know where I'm going with my life... and isn't that supposed to be part of the grand adventure of things? Not knowing what's next? If that's the case, I must be Indiana fucking Jones.

My classes suck, to put it bluntly. I completely hate my English class (professor and all) and I don't like getting up pretty early to drive 10 miles for Speech (which I hate as well). These two are separated by a three-hour period of nothing, which is probably the only good thing about Tuesdays and Thursdays. Even then, going to a place I despise for seven hours only (drive time counts as well) for only two classes? Goddammit. Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays are better, but my Algebra class is run by a teacher who reminds me very much of my AP Economics teacher from last year. Did I ever mention that I almost didn't graduate thanks to his class? I guess the only positive class is Microcomputer Applications, mainly because I don't have to do a damn thing... I've already known how to do all of the stuff since I was ten. The only difference is the versions of Office that we use, but it's essentially the same.

College was forced upon me by my mom, whom I've now grown to despise more than any other person in the world (aside from my fucking sister), and my father, whose become more of an asshole to me now that I'm 18. Did I have a choice in the matter at all? No. If it were up to me, I'd have a full-time job by now and making some money to live out of the house. Hell, I'm hoping that this deal where my dad can will his job to me when he retires/dies pulls through (I'd be set then!) but knowing my luck, nothing will happen and I'll be fucked.

I know that the few reading this will say "At least you got into college" to which I respond that it's fucking public college. As Izzie says, you only need to have a heartbeat to get in. No fancy universities for me, not that I would want to go to those places in the first place. And those that say that I'm in a better position than a lot of people... I see them being happy. I'm not.

Anyways, I'm just ranting right now to this litte corner of the Internet. I'm not feeling well, and I probably won't be for a long time. If anyone actually got this far, thank you for reading.